Moments of Grace

The other day I saw a sweet moment and wanted to share it with you.

I got invited by our school librarian to attend an author's visit at my son's elementary school. The author was John Perry, who wrote a super fun book called, "The Book That Eats People." We were all excited by his visit because he'd just won the North Carolina Children's Book Award, and he was going to spend the whole day with us to read and sign autographs.

I got to the school at mid-morning and watched as he sat at a table (looking exhausted) signing books. To his credit, he'd already done an assembly for the K-2nd graders, signed books for two hours and then had to do another assembly for the 3rd through 5th graders.

Kids were sent to the library in small groups to wait in line while he signed their books. As each child stood before him he'd ask their name and then say, "Tell me something about you." I could see by the children's responses and facial expressions that this was a new question for them. It made me wonder how many people really want to know them.

I leaned against a low library shelf and watched the way he dealt with each child. He looked each one in the eyes as they talked. Some kids were excited to meet him and some were nervous. It was easy to pick out the popular, confident kids from the ones on the fringes. No matter their personality or style, he treated them all the same, with kindness, respect and genuine interest.

Then this one 5th-grade girl walked into the library. Earlier that week, I'd had lunch with my son and noticed her right away. She was a frizzy haired gangling sort of girl, sitting at the next lunch table. She wore glasses, braces over her buck teeth, and kept her head down just staring at her lunch tray. She was alone. Obviously unpopular. She reminded me very much of Anne Hathaway's character in The Princess Diaries....before she realized she was a princess.

This girl was so nervous, she literally bit her lip, crossed her arms over her torso and began to sway back in forth while she waited. When Mr. Perry asked her to tell him about herself, my heart dropped. She hesitated and I wanted to shout, Oh for the love of God, you're torturing her. Just sign the book!

It's a good thing I didn't because her eyes got wide and she said, "I like to read. And play video games."

He leaned back in his chair, looked at her intently and very slowly said, "You know what I like about you? It's the way you stand."

Again, inside my head I was shouting, No! Stop! Don't talk about her, can't you see she's shy? She's a nervous wreck! 

But I didn't. And it's a good thing I keep my mouth shut, because he said, "It's as if you're sitting in a tree, and the tree is gently swaying back and forth."

And she smiled.

And it was all I could do to keep tears from squirting horizontally at both of them.

I just know that's what it's going to be like when we stand before our Father in Heaven. I just know it.

Hearing

I've been saying I want to be a better listener for a long time. In fact, I was going through some of my old journals from 2006 and 2008 and that was on the top of my "to be" list. My to be list is just that..a list of things I want to be.

I haven't posted in awhile for two reasons:

1. I've been enjoying visitors - expected ones like my friend Emily, who stayed with
me for a few days and unexpected ones, those two or three who just happen to
show up and stay for a few hours. I've been listening to God through both kinds.

2. I've been busy renewing my mind. I realize that renewing your mind takes a lot of
effort, time and energy. To be able to change the way you think about your life and
plans is psychologically exhausting, but well worth the effort if it's because you
want to be obedient to God's plans.

I decided to look up the Greek word for listen and I discovered a curious thing. First, the word listen wasn't prevalent in the ancient world - the correct word, hear, shows up in the Bible A LOT!

Another curious thing is that in both the old Testament Hebrew and New Testament Greek, the words for hear used most often are: sama (Hebrew) and akouo (Greek). They mean understanding AND obedience. Together - those two words make up the one word.

Understanding and Obedience go hand in hand and I guess it makes sense in the context of the Bible. We are not just to hear God's word, but hear and obey. Here are two scriptures in James, related to listening:

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires." James 1:19-20

"But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves." James 1:22

In the past two weeks, God's shown me that I've not been a very good listener. He showed me in the most painful and humbling way possible, through my children. He's shown me that I don't spend enough time listening to my children. Two of them have mentioned a need or a problem and I, in my adult wisdom, have blown them off. I'll give you a great example from my 9-year old son, "Spike".

He's one of those boys who's constantly on the move. He's quick with an idea, or a plan, and loves a good joke or prank. He moves so fast, I have to workout in order to keep up with him. This year, he's had a lot of trouble in school. He keeps forgetting things, is disorganized, and can't stay in his seat. Some of those things are typical for a 9-year old boy, but that doesn't matter to his teachers because it's causing problems in their classrooms.

He also forgets things at home: forgets to turn the lights off when he leaves the room, forgets to pick up after himself and to bring his homework home, etc. He's said repeatedly, "Mom, I have short term memory loss!" My husband and I respond in a similar fashion, "You're full of it."

I've spent the last 14 years being manipulated by various children, and both he and I were manipulators as kids...so we know a thing or two about this.

Two weeks ago, I took Spike for a psychological and educational assessment so we can get a handle on his behavioral problems. And to be honest, I was there to get the necessary "ADHD Label" which apparently is required in order for certain teachers to be compassionate toward people who learn differently (more on this later).

The tests didn't reveal much I didn't already know....yes, Spike is classically ADHD - for those of you who know him, that won't come as a surprise. What I also learned is that he has a problem with verbal short term memory.

Humbled is the only word I can use to describe how I felt when I found out.

VINDICATED is how my son felt.

The last time I wrote a post like this regarding my children, one of my friends called me to offer support and encouragement. I thanked God for her wisdom and friendship. However, I assure you that these posts are not to beat myself up:)

They're to say that I believe we instinctively know ourselves and can know ourselves at an early age. From what I can tell, it's the adults and life's circumstances that clobber our intuition out of us.

How many of us, as adults, are now following childhood dreams? I know I am!

I also believe that in order to tune into God and hear what He's trying to tell us, we have to be willing to listen with open hearts and minds and to others who may not appear to be so "wise."

       Lesson learned.

Mom Guilt

"Thanks mom!" are words that satisfy a mother's heart and are not heard often enough. It's more likely that we hear things like: "Thanks ALOT mom....

     you're so embarrassing!

         I'm gonna be late again!

            now everyone will think I'm a total dork!

Mom guilt sucks.

I think it's like a pestilence that should be eradicated off the face of the Earth by other moms. I think we need to pat ourselves on the back a little more for the simple fact that raising children is one of the toughest jobs in the world and seriously under appreciated.

I've been a mother for fifteen years and my kids, while certainly not perfect, are doing ok. At the very least, they'll turn out to be kind and productive people. I don't deserve to be made to feel guilty by anyone, least of all myself and in all honesty, I am my worst enemy.

I was thinking about it this morning, as I folded what's probably my 8,000th load of laundry....

I've only forgotten my child one time!

In fifteen years of parenting, I only completely forgot about my child once. After I'd gotten home and realized she wasn't with us, I raced right back to church and got her. Sure, she was afraid and appalled (so was I) but she forgave me and has since developed a keen awareness of her surroundings. She'll be a better mother for it when her time comes.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.  Romans 8:1-2

So ladies, do a fellow mom a favor. Call a friend or take her out to lunch and tell her she's a great mom doing a great job. Trust me, she needs to hear it!