Deuteronomy 4:9 says this: Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Here's my story:
Ten years ago today, I woke up and before my feet even hit the floor, the devil was on me. I walked, miserably, from my bed to the bathroom. I was sick and hung over. I flipped on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror. Now, if you've ever been hung over, you'll know that what you see in the mirror the next day is never pretty.
I took one look at myself and a voice dripping with contempt spoke to me inside. It said:
"Look at me. I look like s#%t."
"Why can't I be better?"
"How did I let this happen? What kind of moron am I?"
"What a hypocrite. God must be so ashamed of me."
"What kind of mother am I?"
"I'm a crappy Christian."
"I should just die."
At that moment I wanted to die. I wouldn't have taken my own life, but I begged God to send someone to put a bullet in my head. Then I got into the shower.
By this time I was crying, and as I started washing myself, I heard a different voice. This voice was gentle but fierce and strong. It spoke inside of me and was inside of my spirit. That's the only way I can describe it. This voice said:
"I didn't die so you could feel this way about yourself."
It was so clear and startling, I actually said, "What?" out loud. Again, it said:
"I didn't die so you could feel this way about yourself."
And I began to weep because I knew it was Jesus and he said, "I have washed you clean. You are clean."
I continued to wash with a renewed energy, and as I did, shame and all those terrible feelings came off of me. Just like that, He took it from me. I spent an hour in that shower, washing, crying and thanking and I stepped out of it with a totally different spirit.
A clean spirit and a fresh heart. A heart on fire.
That was the day I received him and believed him. That was the day I chose to accept his words as truth and as a result, received his grace. That was the day I was reborn.
Like the woman at the well, who was so exuberant about her personal encounter with Jesus, I ran to tell my friends. I only had two at the time, Terri and Bethany. I got dressed and ready to go to the small group I was leading.
Yep, you heard that right. At this point in my life, I was a baptized believer, served in church for 8 years and was "leading" my first Bible study. But I had never received Jesus' grace. I'd never, in my heart, understood that my own unworthiness didn't matter. When He died, he took care of it once and for all. I had to do the hard work of repentance and ridding myself of sin and He was there to help me every step of the way.
Now I celebrate the anniversary of my freedom.
Do you have a God story of your own that needs to be shared?
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