Struggling with Sugar Addiction

I think I've mentioned somewhere on this blog before that I have a serious sweet tooth. I blame it on my husband. When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to eat many sweets. Eating dessert wasn't a regular thing in our house so as a young adult I didn't eat much sugar. 

It all changed when I met my new boyfriend. He was (and still is) a foodie but I could pop open a can of cold green beans and call it dinner. When we started dating he was determined to "teach me how to eat right." His teaching included eating sweets with every meal - even breakfast!

Eventually we married and one unintended consequence of that union resulted in an insatiable appetite for sugar. Although I'm not a diabetic, I have terrible nerve pain in my feet and my gut tells me sugar is the culprit. I know I desperately need to go sugar free but I'm nervous about it; now I can't picture life without it. 

As most of us know by now, sugar is in almost everything. In fact, there's a great movie produced by Katie Couric and Laurie David, called Fed Up, which really opened my eyes to America's sugar problem. It explains how our obsession and addiction to sugar started. I watched it on Netflix and  highly recommend it if you're interested in the subject. 

As I age, another unintended consequence is weight gain. It wasn't a problem for me until recently, when my doctors made a medication change. Some of the side effects include weight gain and boy oh boy . . . my weight gain is that of a small child.

For the past four months I've been wearing workout gear and it ain't because I'm working out. It's because the only thing I can squeeze into was spandex. What a depressing summer! Although I live at the beach and have a pool in my backyard I've been so uncomfortable in my own skin I haven't wanted to reveal that much of myself to the world.

So I'm going to do it. I'm committing now to reducing my sugar intake slowly over the rest of this year. Slowly because sugar is so addictive I would probably ruin my family relationships otherwise. Again, I blame it on my husband (a lovable Arab) who only wanted to teach his girl about his culture and the sweet life. 

Click here to read about the Arab influence on the history of sugar - it's fascinating!

Now You: Do you struggle with sugar addiction? Can you give me any suggestions to make this easier? 

Midnight Ministry: Hearing God in the storms of life

The last few weeks were filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. 

First I had a terrible flare. It was painful to move my entire body and for some reason my right elbow was killing me. (Down)

My doctor put me on steroids to calm the flare and settle things out in my joints. Now I don't know about you, but me on steroids is not a good combination - they make me angry. So I warned my family.

There were benefits though: they gave me so much energy I (almost) reorganized the entire lower level of my house! (Up)

Then my daughter got the flu and I got it while nursing her. (Low) I was sick with fever and chills and spent the better part of the week in bed. At one point I lost an entire day - July 12th to be exact. Everything was "off" and on the third day I realized I'd forgotten to pray for myself! I'd been so focused on trying not to vomit, I didn't remember to ask God for help. So I prayed and went back to sleep.

Later that night, I heard a scream. I pulled the earplugs from my ears and turned on the light to find my husband flailing around in our bed. I tried to figure out what the heck was happening when he said, "Water! I spilled water all over us!" It turns out he'd had a dream that we were on the couch talking and he grabbed a cup of water and . . . fell asleep with it.

"Are you sure we weren't talking just now?" he asked.

"Definitely sure." I said.

"Really?!"

We both had a good laugh as I stumbled around trying to find new sheets and blankets. By then I was wide awake and couldn't fall asleep. Terrible storms with deafening thunder and lightning were shaking the house. I decided - at two o' clock in the morning - to catch up on some overdue filing, so I went into my closet (because that's where I keep my files).

While there, I had the distinct impression I was supposed to read the devotional for July 12th in Streams in the Desert. I tried to ignore it and keep filing, but the impression grew stronger so I read.

This was the scripture: He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10)

This was the first sentence: Faith grows during storms.

Everything I needed in that moment - in the storm of the flare and flu - was found in that little devotion of the day I'd lost. (High) It was about faith in God during the toughest times of life.

The last few sentences really spoke to me:

Yes, "in all these" - even during storms, when the winds are the most intense - "we are more than conquerors." You may be tempted to run from the ordeal of a fierce storm of testing, but head straight for it! God is there to meet you in the center of each trial. And He will whisper to you His secrets, which will bring you out with a radiant face and such an invincible faith that all the demons of hell will never be able to shake it. E. A. Kilbourne

Suffering friend, I believe God poured that water on my husband and me. I believe that He is indeed making us stronger through our trials, testing us so that when all is said and done we'll come forth as gold.

Now you: Has God ever ministered to you at midnight or in the middle of a life storm? Do tell! We never know how our stories of suffering can encourage someone going through the same struggle.
                                                                                                   Praying for you, Erika

Has your doctor put you in limbo? Being a patient takes patience

By Erika Rizkallah

Last week I followed up with my neurologist to get the final results from a three-part testing process I went through.

He called me into his office to let me know that my diagnosis is Small Polyfiber Neuropathy, which boils down to this: it hurts to have skin.

Technically it's a nerve disease in the small fibers of the body and there is no cure. Most people have it in the feet and legs but I have it all over. Most people are diabetic or overweight and can improve the pain through lifestyle change, but I'm neither diabetic nor overweight.

My case is considered idiopathic which boils down to this: They are clueless.

So my doctor put me in limbo for six months in the hope that The Mayo Clinic, The Cleveland Clinic or George Washington University would discover the cause. Obviously someone's been doing their research. The bad news for patients like me is that it takes about 10 years of research and clinical trials before any medicine can be prescribed.

So I'm in limbo. My doctor said, "Do you understand what I mean by limbo?" And I said, "yes."
Later I wondered why on earth do I understand limbo? Because it's not an actual place, it's a state of indecision. So I looked it up and it's also a theology, movie, dance and game that people play at parties.

But only young girls are successful, because older people break their backs playing this silly game. My clumsy family has never made it under the limbo stick, no matter how many times we try.

Why am I putting the name of my disease out there? It's been discovered that women with my condition and those that suffer from "pins and needles" or "ants running up arms and legs" often get diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

At any rate, the sensations ARE NOT NORMAL, so if you suffer from them, get to the doctor and see if they can find an underlying cause before more damage is done.

And take heart. Technological advances are making medications safer so that we can have a better quality of life.
                                                           Being a patient takes patience.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.

                                                                                                  Ecclesiastes 7:8
                         

Cherishing Joy Each Day

Dear Friends,

Please excuse my long absence. As you may know from my last post, I'm in the midst of a dry season and seemingly endless computer problems. Medication adjustments make me feel wonky and sitting down to blog is difficult. On more than one occasion I've fallen asleep while typing - actually that's kind of funny. What's not funny is my inability to latch on to a thought before it disappears. However, I'm learning to let go and...

 I cherish the joy in the moments of each day. 

On Sundays I usually post a God story, but my brain's so foggy, it wouldn't benefit you. Instead, I hope you'll enjoy one of my favorite pictures from the Holy Sepulchre Church in Jerusalem. This is an enormous mosaic of tiny tiles and it's an astounding piece of art.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.

Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.

Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.

                         Psalm 25:16-18

A prayer: Heavenly Father, we know you are good upon good and your love never fails us. Teach us your ways Lord, give us strength to endure and bless our weakened bodies. We know your power is made perfect in weakness. We love you and we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen.

One of these days!

That went well.

The swimming I mean. On days one and two, I started by doing two laps using the breaststroke. I felt so good in the morning, so able. I was sore, but it was that kind of "good sore" you feel after exercising.

And so of course since I felt good with two laps, why not double it? Why not indeed!

I was on a roll, feeling proud and then, dunh dunh DUNH (how do you write that sound effect?) I swam myself into a flare.

Not smart. Not smart indeed!

To top it off, my computer went kaput in the middle of a manuscript. I paid $ 180.00 to have the hard drive replaced and it broke eight hours later. Then my husband was certain he was having a heart attack (he wasn't) and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance . . . AGAIN.

Have you ever had one of those weeks? Like you're in that old movie, Groundhog Day.

Me too. And this morning I had to remind myself of what these days look like from God's perspective. In the light of eternity, days like these are like a baby's first birthday party - unmemorable and super messy.

When I get to Heaven, I'm going to laugh about them. For now, I'll just stay in my chair, not working on my computer.

I need a good laugh, so can you tell me about one of your worst days?

What's your ONE thing?

By Erika Rizkallah

It's often difficult to feel productive when you live with chronic pain. The daily struggles of life become well . . . a daily struggle.

That means they're hard. For everybody. For us especially.

I've redefined success for me. I've also redefined productivity.

I wake up each morning and have quiet time with God. Then I ask myself this question:

What's the ONE thing I need to do in order to feel productive today?

Then I answer it. Sometimes, making dinner is my ONE thing. Sometimes it's sending out a few greeting cards, making something with my hands or grading a pile of papers.

Today my ONE thing is starting a new exercise program. Exercise is a must for people suffering with chronic pain. And it's hard because it hurts, but in the long run it helps.

So today, I will jump in my pool and SWIM. Even though it's cold. Even though my joints are going to kill me and I will mess up my hair.

I will do it.

Today's THE day!

Want to join me? What's your ONE thing?

3 Tips for traveling with chronic pain

By Erika Rizkallah

I just came back from five wonderful days at the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writer's Conference aka BRMCWC. Writers from as far away as Japan came to learn from gifted authors and writing teachers.

Traveling with chronic pain can be tricky, but the alternative was staying at home and missing out on something valuable to me.

                                     Me and my writing buddies, Angie & Sondra

I chose to go and enjoy myself and I thought I'd do a quick post on traveling. I hope this especially helps during the summer season, when we tend to travel more frequently.

Tip # 1 - Know your body:

The first thing we need to do is know our body and this can be a slow process. Keeping a journal and paying attention to the particular rhythms and nuances is helpful. God created each one of us uniquely and traveling can affect us negatively. We've got to know how we respond to different altitudes, how long we can sit or stand without discomfort and how much luggage we can lug.

Tip # 2 - Cope ahead:

The truth is that we are limited. Acknowledging this fact is the first step to coping effectively. Before I left on my trip I knew I'd have to skip some classes and build in rest and nap time. We were in the mountains and had lots of uphill walking on campus, so I made sure I wore my tennis shoes and took breaks. I also knew I'd sometimes have to say, "no" to my traveling companions or to invitations from others.

Tip # 3 - Plan recovery time:

I knew two six hour drives would wreak havoc on my back and neck, so I scheduled a massage for the day after I returned. Even though I brought a heating pad with me, it was more rigorous than I remembered. I'll just chalk that up to aging and make a note of it for next time. Plenty of naps are on my schedule for the days ahead.

It's important for us to have fun and live out our dreams. It may take longer, but that's ok as long as we keep moving forward!
             
Do you have any travel tips you can share? If so, we'd love to hear them.

                                               Happy Memorial Day!

The God Who Sees Us

By Erika Rizkallah

...You are the God who sees me,  for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." Genesis 16:13

Do you ever feel like God's forgotten about you or afflicted you?

I have to admit that sometimes I do. When I wake up stiff, sore and utterly unrested, I groan and whine, "Why?"

Today was one of those mornings. I'm in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains attending a Christian writer's conference. The six hour drive was exhausting, even though my friend, Andy, drove me.
             
                        Now, as I write, it feels like I'm on fire, even though it's cold here.

Fire. In the Old Testament, God is often represented by fire, but really . . . I don't want to feel like the fire is on me.

In the scripture above, the "she" is Hagar. Hagar is the Egyptian maidservant of Sarai, the wife of Abram.  Sarai desperately wanted a family but she couldn't conceive. In those times, women were the chief family builders. Sarai was old and God hadn't given her any children, so she decided to build her family through Hagar. She gave Hagar to Abram as his new wife and told him to sleep with her. Abram doesn't argue (although he should have) and Hagar gets pregnant, and a little haughty.

Now, Sarai doesn't like this, so she blames Abram, complains to him and then physically abuses Hagar.
                                                     Poor Hagar.

She didn't ask to be in that terrible situation. She didn't ask to be a slave, pushed into a sexual union or be physically abused, so she ran away, into the desert. That's where God's angel finds her and speaks to her.
                                                     He says, "...the Lord has heard of your misery." (v.11)

Hagar responds, "You are the God who sees me. I have now seen the One who sees me."

It does us no good to question God and ask "Why?" He has a plan and the why may never be known to us on this side of Heaven. The one thing we can be sure of is that He's heard of our misery and He'll love us through it.

 I'm praying for us today. God had big plans for Hagar and he's got big plans for us too!

Reducing Inflammation and Pain

When it comes to living with chronic pain, one of the hardest things for me is changing my diet.

I have an incredible sweet tooth; it's a cake tooth really. I've been making cakes weekly since I was a teenager. Cake is my favorite food group.

I also don't have much of an appetite. . . except when it comes to cake.

So you see, I have a real problem. But there's no such thing as Cakeaholics Anonymous. I've had to invest in a few books and cookbooks so I can learn about healthy, gluten free living. However, seeing how I just remembered that I ate pancakes for breakfast, let me assure you that I'm still in the learning phase.

The thing most often repeated in these books is that pain is caused by inflammation. If you can get the inflammation down, there will be less pain (or so I've heard).

One of my favorite cookbooks for recipes as well as educational value, is Julie Daniluk's: Meals That Heal Inflammation.

It's great to have resources like this. Ones that encourage and help us persevere in our race to better health.

What about you? Do you have any resources that would encourage others? Please share!

Think you may have Restless Leg Syndrome?

Earlier this afternoon, I had a skin biopsy done. My neurologist is testing to see if I have SFN or Small Fiber Neuropathy. I mention this because he explained that many women diagnosed with Fibromyalgia actually have SFN. Misdiagnosis is common.

Like Fibromyalgia, SFN symptoms also include tingling, numbness and pain. However, SFN can only be diagnosed with specialized testing. Test number two (the one I had today)  involves "just a small needle poke"to numb the surface and, according to the brochure, "a band-aid" after the procedure is done.

                                                                                       Two out of the three "band-aids."
They also said it wouldn't hurt afterward.  Lies...all lies.

The funny thing, is that this all started because of restless legs. For the past five years I've struggled with jumpy legs, but a couple of months ago they started doing funny things when I went to bed. They began to twitch and lift up on their own. So I went to my doctor and told him. That's when he referred me to a neurologist.

Do you have "jumpy" or "twitchy" legs?

Do you think you have Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS)?

                              Are you embarrassed by this?

If so, I urge you be brave and make an appointment to talk to your doctor about it. There are good medicines for RLS, but you don't want to leave any stone unturned when it comes to your health. And you definitely don't want to be a self-diagnoser like me and miss something.

Technology is improving medicine every day, but it's up to us to push through the painful trials and persevere.

I'll be praying for you as you walk/hobble/crawl on your path of pain.

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:4

Drug # 3 - Looking for drugs to ease Fibromyalgia pain?

For me, one of the worst Fibro symptoms is the muscle spasms. Mine feels like a monster's rhythmically squeezing bony fingers into my back, ribs and stomach. It's the one thing that makes me feel like I'm going crazy.

Have you ever felt that way? Like you could go crazy from pain?

That's when I bring out the big guns.  Not actual guns - I'm talking about Cyclobenzaprine. Also known as Flexeril. The sunny little pills and my heating pad are the only things that bring relief when that monster starts squeezing.

I need to assure you that I'm not a big pill lover. On the contrary, I generally avoid drugs when possible. But my pain path has covered almost every kind of food restriction and alternative therapy available.

Almost... I haven't tried acupuncture yet, but I will (and I'll take pictures.)

On my trip to Israel, I took a pit stop at The Dead Sea, which is the lowest point on earth. It has a high salt content and is famous for its mud, because people claim it has healing properties for arthritis and other ailments. I don't know about that, but I will say it's tons of fun to sit in a slippery mud hole with 20 non-English speaking people.

The sea is so salty that nothing lives in it and the water can blind you if it gets in your eyes. Also, once you get in chest high water or pick your feet up, you start to float. It's an amazing sensation!

So now, I've bathed in healing waters and touched Jesus' burial stone. Those are two very alternative treatments don't you think?

If you're looking for alternatives, here's a great post by Healthline.

While I wait for healing, I'll keep writing, trying new things and taking my drugs. Life's too awesome to be miserable!
                               
                                        Now that I've shared, tell me what works for you?

Sharing Comfort

by Erika Rizkallah

In today's post, I wanted to share a couple of ways God comforted me these past few days:

1.  He offered me physical comfort.

I opened those bubble wrapped "big guns" I mentioned in my last post and inside was an
awesome surprise. It was a prescription for a pain killing cream that works REALLY
well. The downside is that I smell like a tube of wintergreen toothpaste. But hey, if it
reduces pain I'm not going to complain.

2.  He offered me mental comfort.

I am a homeschooler. As you can imagine, homeschooling while in pain is extremely difficult.

Almost every single day I wake up and wonder... am I doing a good job?

          Is anyone learning?

                  Is this still the best thing for my kids?

                           Can I really keep doing this?

But I gave God my worries right? Even though I knew the national testing proctor was coming to our home to administer tests to the kids on Friday.

                                 What was I thinking? I was so far from ready...

I also have to tell you that I homeschool four kids - three are mine. Two of them have ADHD, one's learning disabled (LD) and one's gifted.

I'm thrilled to say that all of the kids are moving forward. Not only that, they're over grade level and one of them moved up four grade levels in less than a year's time.

                                                   That's all God.

But I did celebrate with a whole lot of ice cream!

                                           Can you see the ways God comforts you?

   

Do You Celebrate The Small Things?

"C'mon baby," I said, furiously pumping my arms. I took a deep breath and straightened up for a moment, trying to ease the searing pain in my back and arms.

I bent over and tried again. Pump, pump, pump.

My CPR training kicked in; I regathered my strength and went at it for what seemed like the hundredth time.

No luck. I stood up and cursed it, "Stupid toilet!"

Out of breath and frustrated, I leaned against the bathroom wall for a minute. I'd been trying to clear a clog in the girl's bathroom for the better part of the day. The girls had been unable to fix it and after awhile, my mind started to mess with me.

      Remember when you used to be able to do this with no problem?

           Remember when you used to run, jump and dance any time you wanted?

                 Remember when...

Remembering when is dangerous territory for me. As soon as I recognize these words of self-pity roaming around my mind, I shut them down, turn them off and kill them if I have to.

I turned my attention back to the toilet but before I started, I prayed: "Please Lord. I need your help. We can do this."
                            Pump. Pump. Pump. Again and three more times and...  flush.

I did a little dance, hobbled downstairs to Katya and said, "Success! I have just unclogged your toilet. You're Welcome!" and then I wiggled a little more. Katya said, "Wow mom. You're acting like that was a big victory."

Any victory turns into big things for Fibro Warriors. Celebrating keeps our spirits up and I think it also gives God a little smile.

                                         Do you have any victories of your own to share?

Dumping Your Doctor or Vice Versa

Last Friday my mail carrier delivered a certified mail envelope to my door. Surprised, I opened it, wondering what could possibly be so important...

It was a letter from my doctor terminating our doctor-patient relationship.

                          Huh?!

I was stunned. I didn't even know we were engaged! I mean, I didn't know we were exclusive or that we were even in a "relationship". My other man (aka my husband) was furious; he wanted to punch my doctor for dumping me.

                                                                So sweet.

But I held him back because: I don't want a doctor like this anyway.

I guess I should fill you in and explain the source of the conflict, because it was my fault:

I had the audacity to seek a second opinion. Yes, that's right. I shamelessly called another doctor's office (one I'd used before) on the advice of a friend. I didn't think anything of it; after all, isn't that what we Americans have been counseled to do for years?  Get a second opinion?

Apparently, this is now a no-no. Since the letter emphatically said they never wanted to see me again except in the event of an emergency (only within the next 30 days), I saw the new guy. He's a pain specialist.
                                                                  And guess what?

I like him better. He thought my old boyfriend doctor wasn't aggressive enough, and changed most of my meds. He also offered to play nicely with my neurologist once I see him. And if that appointment hasn't been cancelled, at least I've got someone who'll be faithful, because I signed a contract this time and I know where I stand.

                                         This is a patient-doctor relationship now.

The point of my story is for you. You are the patient. You are the one seeking care and paying the doctor; the control is in your hands. If you don't like the way you're treated, keep searching and don't give up until you find someone who'll treat you like you deserve.

God is in control and he loves you.

Making Adjustments - 3 Ways to Help Yourself!

Anytime we begin a new season or experience life-changing circumstances, adjustments are required. Whether it's having a baby, sending a kid off to college or simply celebrating Christmas, there are things we need to do. It's the same with chronic pain or any other "thing" that causes suffering; we have to adjust accordingly. Listed below are the top three ways we can help ourselves (quickly):

Ask for help! This may seem like a no-brainer, but some women would rather die than ask for help. We live in a "do it yourself" culture and it makes us feel even more outcast and downcast when we can't do for ourselves. I'm one of the most stubborn people I know when it comes to this, but I've been practicing and you know what? My life and relationships are much healthier now that I've broken through this area of pride.

Take a nap! What? Yes, contrary to what others may say, naps aren't just for girls and old people (someone actually just said that to me). Short cat naps of 20 minutes can be just the thing to refresh us and gain hours in return. One time this summer I had to nap in the back seat of my truck just to get through a full day.

                                    A nap a day keeps the pain away! (not really).
             
Remove stress! Some people recommend reducing stress in our lives but I say we must  remove what we can - forever. I know it's easier said than done, but we're in control of our thought lives and have the ability to walk or hobble away from unhealthy things or people that create stress. And at the very least, we have the ability to change the way we react to these things.

By the way, I'm so not stressed out that my Christmas tree is naked except for the garden center flag on it. However, some of my family members are so they'll have to chip in and help me.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-8

Tracking Pain Triggers

We chronic pain sufferers are (for the most part) tuned into our bodies. However, we can spend so much time protecting ourselves and trying to prevent pain, that we neglect to identify our triggers. Knowing what triggers a flare, is important to self care and increases the quality of our life.

According to the Mayo Clinic's website, "symptoms can begin after a physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress." Sometimes, there's no reason at all, symptoms simply accumulate over time. 

               My body was perfectly positioned for devastation. 

I'd had a hysterectomy, chronic recurrent sinus infections, serious psychological stress and a minor car "incident" in the course of two years. But it was the car incident that sparked the disease.
                         
Paying attention to our bodies is critical for understanding what causes pain flares. This requires us to slow down and listen to what our body is trying to say. It's easier said than done, but I'll share some of my triggers and hope it helps you. I set myself up for a flare whenever I....

             Carry or lift anything over 8 pounds
             Sit too long
             Crane my neck
             Carry a purse on my shoulder
             Do too much
             Run or jump*
             Allow stress to take over
             Hunch my shoulders
             
             And so far, the most surprising trigger is...a sunny day.

                                                                                                        photo courtesy Dania Rizkallah

I actually feel better on cloudy and rainy days!

Do you know what your triggers are? If not, try tracking your pain level and activities for seven days and see if you get a spark.
                                                                       He is faithful and wonderful!

God's Handiwork

They say you should write about your passions - write about "what you know," but that's always a struggle for me because I love so many things! However, I have to narrow my blog topics down, so I prayed about what I most want to leave behind from this life. 

My two biggest passions next to Jesus, are family and helping other people. As I thought about those two topics specifically, I narrowed it down even more. I'm passionate about personal family histories and helping people who struggle in life. I know...it's so random! But both of these passions have intensified since my adolescence. They've always been there.

I truly believe that God shapes our lives on purpose and for purpose. One of my favorite bible verses says, For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

                             So I asked God, What good work did you create me to do?

I guess now's a good time to reveal that I'm a chronic pain sufferer and have been since I was a teenager. But I didn't know the cause of it and doctors haven't been able to figure it out. Recently, part of that mystery has been solved. I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and some other related "syndromes" and "diseases." 

I live as full a life as possible, but when I got multiple diagnoses, it made me take stock of what's really important to me. It also made me want to live out the dreams and purposes of my life.

                         No more "... someday" for me.

I can't even explain how grateful I am to finally know what's going on! It's life altering. I've spent the last couple of months making necessary lifestyle changes and learning how to treat my body better. The more I share with others, the more I find other women who struggle with life and pain.

Let's face it, much of life is painful. It's not fake like the images we see in our magazines and movies.

God has placed me in a position that allows me to help my fellow sufferers, so it's one of the topics I'll be writing about. From now on, this blog will focus on three things: Jesus, family and encouragement for chronic pain sufferers.

So here's a selfie of me right now. Laying on my heating pad and writing at the same time. 

                                                                   Today really sucked!

And here's a selfie of my daughter, Katya, and I on the set of an Indie movie that filmed here on Monday.  

                                                       Her choir was featured and I was an extra

More about the movie later because that's what flared up my Fibro...but it was totally worth it!

                                                                                     He is faithful and wonderful:)

Purposeful Pain

By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life.
                                               Psalm 42:8

I woke up twice early this morning - once at 3:30 and then again at 4:20. The first time I was a little foggy and thought, Darn it! What woke me up? but I had a sense there would be pain... even though I couldn't feel it. I felt it at 4:20.

It's now the all too familiar aching, numbness and burning. I got out the medicine and heating pad, laid down and let the tears flow.

I cried not because of the pain, but out of gratitude to God. In my last post, I told you there's an upside to my affliction. I cried because I felt the faintest glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time.

I felt God's comfort and reassurance. I felt His presence in my room early this morning.

There is good and purpose in my pain. If nothing else, it has made me very conscious of what people who live with chronic pain (like my husband) must go through every day. It has made me sympathetic. My pain is the result of an auto "incident" which is like an accident with no impact, but it will come to an end eventually.

It's a long story, but basically my thoracic spine is frozen right now. My physical therapist said it will probably take anywhere from six to sixteen weeks for the pain to subside. He also said it's going to suck for me and manipulation may make it worse. At least he's honest!

I'm hopeful and praying that it'll subside in the shorter time frame, but even if it doesn't, I'm better for it. I'm also now interceding in prayer for people I wouldn't have thought to pray for before this experience; those suffering in silence.

Prayer: Lord, today I praise you for hope! I pray for your comfort and healing for the so many people who live with daily pain. Amen.

Affliction

Af.flic.tion: Something that causes pain or suffering.

I feel like I may have worried some of my friends with my last Pity-Party post, so I'm going to use this post to explain more fully:)

I guess my family and I are under a period of "affliction." 

For well over a year now, each of us has been having random accidents, illness, physical injury, irritants, mental problems. Even my dog's been affected. Normally, I'm a "suck it up" person. I just suck it up and deal with whatever it is. But after this long you start to think REALLY?

              Is this ever going to end?

Are we ever going to sleep again? Because I don't even remember what that feels like.

Then the devil gets in and starts saying things like, "Nope. It's never, ever, going to end. EVER. This is how the rest of your life will stay." "You'll be in pain forever."

I know my God is bigger, but I admit that I 'd started to believe those voices in my head.

There is an upside to this though. Many upsides in fact, but the main one is growth. So that I don't remain in the pit part of the pity, I'm going to fight back in the way I know best.

With patience and praise.

I thank you God that you are trustworthy and true. I praise your holiness and your purpose in all things.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

The Plank

Last summer, my son, Sam didn't listen to my wise advice, and went fishing on our dock barefoot. I was in the kitchen making lunch when I heard howling outside. It was one of those screams that moms know. It's a scream that makes you drop everything, because you just know someone got hurt. I rushed outside to see my daughter, Katya, running toward the house with Sam in her arms.

He was screaming, she was struggling to carry him, and my heart was racing. He was yelling something about his foot and when I looked down, this is what I saw.....

              Scroll past

                        this image

                                if you're squeamish (that should have given you plenty of warning)

The picture was taken at urgent care after three numbing shots and after the other end had been broken off. The urgent care doctor wasn't able to pull it through and the ER doctor was unable to get it out after digging and cutting, so surgery was scheduled. We were given pain meds and sent home to wait for the next day. However, at about five in the morning, the pain meds wore off and my son, curled up, sobbing and moaning in my arms. I cried along with him. My husband and I were distraught and helpless as the wood tried to make its own way out.

He had the surgery later that afternoon and the relief was immediate. The surgeon put the piece of wood in a jar so he could take it for show and tell. Sam was fishing on the dock (with shoes on) the next day.

As I thought about the sheer size of it and the force with which it skewered his foot, I was reminded of what Jesus said about hypocrisy:

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You, hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Luke 6:41-42

When you have a plank anywhere, it causes excruciating pain to your entire body. Imagine having a plank in your eye. When a Christian has a plank, the entire body of Christ is also hurt. That plank is obvious to others even if we're blind to it.

Why didn't Jesus talk about having a plank in the toe or in a finger? Think about the size difference between a speck of sawdust and a plank in the eye!

If I spend time removing specks and planks from my own self, the body of Christ will be healthier and more effective.

Heavenly Father, help us identify any planks in our lives. Give us the necessary tools to perform plank removing surgery on ourselves as we trust your Holy Spirit to deal with the sins of others. Amen.