But it's not only that. I'm in a different season of life, but I think she's still stuck in the same place. She's stuck in a dark, depressed place and I'm tired of darkness.
I want light.
I want to serve God in the way He wants, and I'd prefer there be some laughter and lightheartedness.
But He's pressing on my heart. Filling me with love and compassion for her, and it's impossible to ignore. This morning he woke me up extra early, but I'm in pain and weak. I can't even light my Christmas tree because I can't reach over my head, or turn my neck.
Lighting the Christmas tree is MY job and I'm stubborn - "stiff necked" the Bible calls it. Ironic.
So there she stands. Naked. And I'm trying not to feel like a failure.
In my quiet time today, I read this verse, it's Paul's testimony about what happened to him on the road to Damascus. He says, "Who are you, Lord?" and the reply?
"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen and will see of me."
I felt the Lord say to me this morning, "Now get up and stand on your feet." Ugh. Jesus says this to people. He says it to Paul, Ezekiel, to Daniel, and to us. He's not concerned about our weakness or agenda.
We're to get up and get to work on his behalf. So I did. I opened up my FB to send the message I thought he wanted her to hear. I sent it, and then read her reply from the night before. Here's a part of it:
Makes one feel totally like a failure.
Sorry didn't mean to ramble on. You kind of popped the lid a little.
Guess if there is a God he sends the right person on time.
Just by reaching out you may have saved a life for today.
Maybe you too, feel weak, useless or saddened by your circumstances, but I say to you - Stand up.
He said to me, "Son of man, stand up on your feet and I will speak to you. Ezekiel 2:1
He said, "Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you." And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling. Daniel 10:11