Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Good Father - Part 2: Secrets and Lies in family history

So I found him. I found the "bad man."

It's kind of simple to label someone "bad," and then erase him from memory and the family history. But then I guess they didn't count on a curious granddaughter.

               I have an unquenchable curiosity.

And I also believe that people are complex and there's probably more to the story. When someone's legacy leaves such a stain, such a smudge, such a secret, it's hard not to be curious.  And it's hard not to wonder ...
                          Am I anything like him?

I know he left and eventually started a new family. Because one of my family members stumbled upon them and secretly made contact with his son, I have a picture. I have one little picture, and when I look at it, I see my brother's face. I can also see where I got my chin. That's my chin! It's eerie and awesome at the same time.

For most of my life I thought he was dead. Correction. They told me he was dead. Turns out he died the year after I was married.

                   I could have met him.

                          Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.
                                                                                                           Proverbs 10:12

Family History Tip: Family conflict is inevitable, but it's important to remember there are two sides to every story. If you've heard negative things about a family member, do your best to talk to them personally or ask several people for validation. Everyone deserves a chance to defend themselves.


  1. I loved your post here, it reminds me of connecting with my dad again and how God gave me that gift in such an amazing way. I'm glad you found that picture. My question is, that picture is your uncle, right? Will you try to make contact with him?

  2. Thanks for asking that question and sorry it wasn't clear. That picture is actually my grandfather. Because he was "deleted" from the family after he left, I never knew what he looked like. His other family gave the picture to my aunt (his daughter) so she'd be able to see what he looked like.

  3. Even better, a picture of your grandfather! What a great gift!!