Love and Hate

Happy New Year! That was so 11 days ago, but I haven't taken my Christmas tree down so it still feels newish to me.

There are so many things I love about starting a new year. These are my top three:

# 1  I'm one of those people who thrives on change and with a new year, comes
       fresh ideas, goals and plans. I love planning.

# 2  I love a blank calendar, and I love filling up a blank calendar with things
       I love to do.

# 3  I love examining myself and making those much needed personal changes.

I love # 3 so much that I spend at least four weeks - two at the end of the previous year, and two at the beginning of a new one - thinking about changes I'd like to make.

Do you know what I realized about myself?

That in my mind, I categorize things (not people) into areas of love and hate. For example:

I love chocolate. I hate Walmart. I love my dog. I hate walking my dog. I love my kids. I hate picking up after my kids. You may ask why it matters that I love chocolate and hate Walmart and here's the reason:

This love/hate relationship is a stronghold in my mind and I spend more time focusing on doing what I love (eating chocolate) than doing what I hate (entering Walmart). Incidentally, I know I could stop eating chocolate and shop elsewhere, and I do.

I hardly ever actually go to Walmart. It's just the vehicle that's helped me realize I attach emotions to things, places and tasks. Love and hate are powerful emotions. I've been doing it subconsciously for so long, that I find myself delaying and procrastinating on chores and tasks that are important.

So...

One of my goals for 2013 is to remain neutral to the mundane chores and tasks of life because I know it will make me a better person for the people in my life.

I love my people. 

How about you? Are there any changes you plan to make in 2013?

Sock Monsters

I was doing a bit of cleaning yesterday and happened upon something startling in my sock box. First, I guess that I should explain about the box. It looks like this and contains the one sock that's missing from the pair. As I pull single socks out of the laundry, I put them in the box until the mate appears.

I don't know about you, but for some reason my house is filled with lonely socks. Believe me....they're lurking somewhere. Maybe it's under a bed, attached to another piece of clothing or balled up and covered with mulch, but it will reappear. It will frustrate me even more if I've thrown the mate away, so I've learned to keep them in my box. 

     And I will not be defeated. Ok, now I just sound crazy, but who cares. 

One more thing...

I believe in Jesus and I believe there's a Sock Monster who eats just one tasty sock for the sheer delight of irritating me. 

So yesterday, I was extremely irritated because my sock collection is getting bigger and bigger. No one's even wearing socks right now! We're either barefoot or in flip flops, so how in the heck can they be piling up? 

It's then I realize....they're not ours. As I was looking through the pile (there's way more than could fit in a picture) it occurred to me that these are a lot like the issues we face as humans.

Sometimes we can put on other people's problems and habits and claim them as our own. We don't even realize we're doing it and then one day, BAM! We've got problems that don't truly belong to us and struggle to sort them out.

I'm sorry for the mothers (only God knows how many) who may be waiting for these socks to show up somewhere. 

         I threw them out! 

        Tossed them in the trash just like I did mentally when I quit smoking (my father's bad habit) and dropping the F-bomb (the good ole' teenager in me).

Are there any "socks" in your life that need to be tossed out?

in·grain

verb (used with object)

1.

to implant or fix deeply and firmly, as in the nature or mind.

Do you think it's possible for something from your childhood to be so deeply ingrained in your psyche that it changes the nature of your entire being?

As I think about some of my habits - good and bad - one common thread runs through all of them.

     Time has a hold on me. A freaky, and very powerful hold.

It's this feeling that I'm running out of time, or that I'm going to miss something really important... so I'd better hurry up. As I thought about it and asked God what my problem was, one distinct image popped into my mind.

                                                       The White Rabbit!

When I was a little girl, and we were late, (and now I'm thinking that was probably often) my dad would repeat this little chant from Alice in Wonderland:

"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say hello. Goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!"

We said that rhyme CONSTANTLY, and when my kids were little, I'd repeat it to them while I rushed from here to there. Isn't that amazing? Could I really be that heavily influenced by Lewis Carroll's book turned cartoon?

I think I've nailed down one of my biggest hindrances to being, or at least feeling productive. In Romans 12:2, Paul says, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." (NLT)

I often repeat this verse and sink it in my mind like a mantra, but I don't think I've ever really allowed God to change my way of thinking about it. I asked Him to do so today and do you know what?

   It's more ingrained than I imagined. I found myself saying, "I don't have time for that." to my kids and "Hurry up. You're making us late." It's going to be difficult to change my speech and thought patterns, but worth it to release me from this negative thought habit and to know I won't pass it on to my kids.

                                           I'm not afraid of difficult.

I'm not late. I'm not late. I'm not late!

What negative thought habit is holding you back from learning God's pleasing and perfect will for your life?

Changing Bad Habits

I've chosen the top 3 bad habits to focus on right now based on how attacking one bad habit can often fix other issues with minimal effort. My top 3 are:

1. Lack of exercise - When I exercise, I get more energy for the day, I last longer and am much less cranky. I also pay better attention to what I eat. Frankly, the main reason I become unproductive is because I'm exhausted and I run out of energy.

2. Procrastination - It's easy to make excuses when you're exhausted, but procrastination is only prolonging the inevitable for me. If there's a menial task to be done, more than likely it's my responsibility so I'm only hurting myself by piling up loads of boring things if I don't just get over with quickly.

3. Not giving myself the luxury of time - God is the author of my life, and the author of my time, so I don't know why I feel like I have to learn everything immediately. Maybe it's related to the piles undone things that taunt me, like my piles of photos saying, "Really? You can't even send these pictures to your poor sick grandmother?" Which is probably because my son can never find his socks and shoes and my husband always wants to wear the shirt I haven't gotten around to washing.

An interesting thing I learned simply by being mindful over the last few days, is that these bad habits are caused by underlying issues. God really hit me over the head with the fact that I have an underlying fear of wasting time. Both my brother and I have this unexplained concern. We both believed we wouldn't live past 30. We have no idea where these thought patterns come from, but had I not taken the time to identify my bad habits, I wouldn't have realized the effect it's having on me.

Every time I tried to get something done, a little voice in my head would say something like, "You don't have time for that." or "That's a waste of time." I realize I've been letting that voice influence the choices I make throughout the day.

That's how the enemy works. He puts a phrase, negative comment, or totally irrational thought into your head and tries to get you to own it. Only when I slowed, and quieted down to listen, did I realize the effect it's been having on me.

I have placed a "Non-Negotiable" boundary around myself regarding giving these items attention.  Honestly, trying it already for only a day, has made me more focused than I have been in months. Here's my commitment to myself -

Exercise:  Cardio for one hour 4 days a week and strength training with my trainer 2 days a week.

Procrastination:  It doesn't exist in my world anymore. Nothing gets delayed. My husband has this philosophy and I used to just think he was a super freak, but his success has proven me wrong time and time again.

Time: No fear. I will plan my day accordingly and build in the hours I need in order to learn and do the things I need to learn and do and I will stop listening to "the voice."

I'm pumped! I worked out with my trainer for an hour yesterday, thinking I was going to die of a heart attack the whole time, but I pushed through...to the point of nausea. I almost puked and thought about taking a picture to show you what I looked like but then you may never come back to read. Instead, I'll leave you with a picture of my pretty pink gloves!

While I was punching and kicking my way to pukeville, I kept saying, "This is for you Jesus!" I sincerely, felt His pleasure.

Oliver Wendall Holmes said, "We all need an education in the obvious." The Bible tells us to examine ourselves closely. I urge you to take a look at your own bad habits and create a plan of attack!

Unproductive Habits

Ok...here it is, my complete list of all of the habits that make me unproductive (or less productive). As a side not: This does note include the list of things that make me feel guilty, but now I realize that they are related. That list will be next:)

Lack of daily exercise
Frequently I don't want to communicate with others
Procrastinating on tasks I find boring or difficult
Letting others (esp. my husband) change my scheduled plans
Not clearly coordinating or communicating my schedule to my husband
Not checking bank accounts daily
Not asserting myself aggressively when opportunity arises (i.e. I can be too polite)
Taking myself too seriously
Taking others too seriously
Not following up on relational e-mails in a timely fashion (I hate Google stacking)
Not following up with Unstuck e-mails urgently (I hate Google stacking)
Not setting work related goals high enough to be challenging
Getting distracted by other people's problems
Using too many journals/notebooks (I have a pretty paper addiction)
Not giving myself time to learn difficult tasks (persistence)
Forgetting people's names (this is new)
Not fixing broken things in a timely manner
Impulsively switching between projects
Not writing every day
Not setting writing goals
Not checking in enough with extended family
Being lazy about marketing
Keeping piles of photos out in the open (irritant)
Not checking e-mail every day
Delaying critical/important conversations
Inconsistency in listmaking
Not giving myself the luxury of time (for too many things to list)
Buying cards and not sending them out (I like cards:))

So there you have it! Tonight, I'll pick the top three to four that mess me up the most and outline my action plan about correcting them. Planning is half the battle here, the other half is following through.

The best part about this exercise is that I spent the last 3 days in a state of mindfulness, which oddly gave me clearer insight into how much other people's productivity levels negatively affect my own. More to come on that!